93 Demented Love

 

Song Ze was a very thin and dark-skinned young man. He wore the school uniform and a pair of sports shoes that had been bleached so many times that I couldn’t tell what their original color was. This get up definitely stood out at this university, where poverty was the minority. We asked Department Head Wang to get us an office that no one used and gathered both Zhang Yunhu and Song Ze there. Compared to Zhang Yunhu’s natural confidence and Hou Yao’s rebellious impertinence, Song Ze was incredibly cautious. He fidgeted as he decided whether to stand or sit. He kept glancing at me and Guan Zhenglin with his pair of innocent puppy-dog eyes. When Guan Zhenglin showed her id, Song Ze was taken aback but that didn’t prove anything. Most people wouldn’t cross paths with the law enforcement throughout their lives. It was natural for first-timers to get nervous around us, I wondered what that said about our reputation.

“Please sit, Song Ze.” I turned to the flustered Song Ze. He moved to oblige. He placed his hands obediently over his crotch. “I’m sorry but I have not done anything. I have always been a good student.” I placed Song Ze’s diary on the table. As I made the show of flipping towards it, I said, “Department Head Wang said no one will come to this place, in other words, only the 4 of us will know what we’re going to discuss here.” When he saw the diary, Song Ze’s expression shifted and he reached subconsciously for it. I pulled it back and his hands dangled awkwardly in mid-air. After a long time, he mumbled indignantly, “It’s immoral to look at people’s diary…”

With severe expression, I started to recite from the diary, “I’m a loser, the opposite of what my roommate is. Today, he went out to meet up with my goddess again. He returned home at 3 am, looking extremely tired. After he fell asleep, I quickly removed his pants, knelt down and sucked on his dick. I finally tasted the Goddess in my mouth.” It was a truly eye-opening entry. With each of the words that I read, Song Ze’s head lowered even further. His face was red like a ripe tomato. I knew it was wrong to expose a person’s secret so openly but now we were in a crunch to find Liu Fei’er, there was no time to be concerned about Song Ze’s feelings.

Zhang Yunhu shifted uncomfortably as well.

“So when did this start?” I turned my eyes to Song Ze. But Song Ze kept his head lowered and refused to speak. “Speak!” I slammed on the table. Song Ze jumped and finally let loose the secret.

When a person’s world was turned upside down, most people would go insane. For Song Ze, that happened when he moved to Dong Xing City. For someone whose house didn’t even have a television, he had to deal with something called the computer. When people in his village could only afford to have 1 wife, he realized the concept of mistresses was common for the people here. It was like Song Ze was dropped into a different universe. It was not that the university didn’t have poor students but no one was as poor as Song Ze. During a mass media class, Song Ze whispered to the person beside him, “How do you use this?”

“You’ve not seen a computer before?!” Song Ze would never forget the cackles and mockery that followed that day. Those laughters were like knives piercing through his heart. It was like he was being killed by a thousand cuts. But Song Ze only smiled in response, convincing himself that they were laughing with him and not at him. Song Ze was a complete mismatch with this world. He sat spacing out in the hostel. He wanted to join the other boys but Song Ze realized there was too big of a gap. He didn’t know what LoL was, he didn’t know what Ferrari, Hermes, Gucci and so on were. When he found out 1 meal would cost several hundred RMB, he couldn’t believe his eyes.

When Song Ze said his mother only earned 300 RMB a month, the others refused to believe him either, they just said Song Ze was being stingy. To be fair, even Song Ze couldn’t believe their parents earned more in a month than his parents did in a year. Neither of the party believed the other, they were like frogs in two different wells, one was an empty well, the other filled with gold. If not for his good studies, Song Ze would be like his parents, never ever leaving the mountains and seeing the world beyond it.

Song Ze became very quiet, his pride was slowly grinded down by these people’s words and comments. But at that moment, Zhang Yunhu appeared. He knew about Song Ze’s family condition and knew that he was telling the truth. Zhang Yunhu was a kind person, every time they went out for lunch, he would pay the bills for everyone, including Song Ze. For someone like Zhang Yunhu, it was little money.

During that first year, Song Ze’s heart was basically not in it anymore. During classes, he spaced out; after classes, he spaced out. That year, Song Ze scored the last place. 9 courses, he failed 8. That year, he faced expulsion.

But at that moment, someone walked into his life, it was none other than Liu Fei’er. Liu Fei’er was on the university’s counselling committee, it was her responsibility to talk to students like Song Ze whose result deteriorated drastically. Liu Fei’er was the first person who voluntarily came to talk to Song Ze. Liu Fei’er didn’t do much but to lend her ears. Song Ze knew that he didn’t belong to this world, the people here looked down on him. He was not a solitary person, it was just that no one was willing to come talk to him.

Liu Fei’er finally knew why Song Ze was giving up on his studies, it was not because he was not bright. It was because Song Ze just found out that his father had sold one of his kidneys to pay for his recent semester fee. But there were more semesters to come and a person only had 2 kidneys. So Song Ze hoped that he would get expelled because his parents would not allow him to drop out.

Liu Fei’er told him that there was something called a scholarship. If he did well in studies, these organizations would pay for his living and tuition fee. Song Ze was stunned. He had never heard of bountiful things like that. But he already lost his chance for that semester as the semester was ending. Liu Fei’er told him that she would cover for him that semester because she had confidence that with his hard work, he would have more than enough money to pay her back in the future. Liu Fei’er also shared with him that her own father also only had 1 kidney, and he too came from a small village, but now everyone knew who he was at Dong Xing City. Poverty wouldn’t last a lifetime and hard work was the way out of it.

It was then that Song Ze saw the halo of godliness of this girl. The letter of expulsion didn’t come, the university decided to give Song Ze another chance.

At the same time, Zhang Yunhu knew about the situation from Liu Fei’er. As Song Ze’s best bro, Zhang Yunhu organized a charity ball to raise funds for Song Ze. That night, many people attended the ball, those from their courses, outside their courses, even people from outside the university. That night, 2 people became famous, Song Ze and Zhang Yunhu.

From that day onwards, Zhang Yunhu’s popularity shot even higher. He was handsome, rich and kind, the quintessential fairytale prince. Song Ze became famous too because the university waived his 4 full years of tuition fee. Education was also a business, and doing small acts of charity like this would only boost their reputation.

When Song Ze was at the cafeteria, the uncle told him, “You have to study hard. Do not bow down to poverty. When you come here in the future, I will not charge you anything.”

When Song Ze visited the bookstore, the boss told him, “I know you, you’re that kid from the mountain. I’ll let you in on a secret, I’m also from the countryside. But your future is better than mine. Take those with you, it’s on the house.”

When Song Ze walked past the fruit stall, the staller owner told him. “I recognize you. It must have been a long time since you tasted a good watermelon. Here, this is the biggest one. Uncle will treat you today. Work hard, okay?”

Song Ze’s result soared and for the second year onwards, he always took first place in his subjects. But no one knew that Song Ze’s second year was even more painful than the first year. It was because Song Ze realized that there was something even more painful than others’ ignorance and condescension, it was pity. Everyone had their own bottom line but people assumed that line could be crossed on the basis of kindness. In reality, kindness only pained Song Ze even more. He became both self-abasing and self-conceited. He looked down on others and looked down on himself.

He hated everyone except… of course, his goddess Liu Fei’er. By then, Song Ze’s heart was already twisted. He started to collect Liu Fei’er’s used products and he loved her from afar. The water bottle that Liu Fei’er dumped, Song Ze would pick it up and lick it for a long time. The bench that Liu Fei’er sat on, Song Ze would go and touch it. Everyone needed a goal in life, and this was Song Ze’s. He knew he would never be with Liu Fei’er but this was already enough.

Liu Fei’er already promised to foot his semester bill but Zhang Yunhu had to step in. For that Song Ze hated Zhang Yunhu but he hated him even more when he found out Zhang Yunhu liked his goddess as well. It was why he promised Hou Yao to drug Zhang Yunhu’s beer. But to his disappointment, Zhang Yunhu still ended up with Liu Fei’er.

Whenever Zhang Yunhu left their rental, Song Ze would follow him. When he saw his goddess enter the hotel with Zhang Yunhu, he would squat for the whole night across the street.

That day, Zhang Yunhu left the hotel early in the morning. He went home and collapsed in bed. Seeing the unconscious Zhang Yunhu, Song Ze suddenly knelt down and did the things he described in his diary. Song Ze knew he was demented but he couldn’t control himself. Loving someone meant loving everything that she came with, at least that was what Song Ze told himself.