238 Right and Wrong

 

It felt awful to be wronged because I really hadn’t done these things. But hearing this officer speak, the discussion in the crowd grew louder. Words like animals, stain to the badge, deserve to die entered my ears. My head pained and spun. One split second, I even felt I was the killer. I pulled on my hair until my scalp numbed. I had never explained this habit to others before. I did this to use surface pain to counter the pain in my mind. Whenever there was a headache, I would do this. But now, it was useless.

Was it possible that I had murdered the officer when I wasn’t myself? Was it possible that there was another Wu Meng living inside me like the killer? I resisted that possibility. I couldn’t face it. Am I a sinner? Have I killed?

“Silence!” The judge banged on the gavel. “Persecutor, you may continue.” The witness left, and the persecutor said, “Even though you said that it was to save someone, we also understand that your paranoia will be triggered under certain circumstances. When you are anxious, the best solution is to kill the person who gave you that anxiety, right?”

“Right!” I said, but it was already too late. “No! In that situation, I was merely trying to make the killer speak. And the killer did speak, didn’t he?”

The persecutor challenged, “He did, but if he chose not to speak, would you kill him?”

I answered, “I couldn’t let anything happen to Guan Zhenglin. She is my team member. Do you understand?”

“Answer me!” The persecutor pressed. “Will you kill?”

“We are like family!” I shouted.

“Would you have killed him?” The persecutor asked again.

“I…” Before I could say anything, the lawyer beside him stood up, “Objection, the persecutor is badgering my client with hypothetical. We are in court. We talk with evidence, not with hypotheticals.”

“Sustained. Persecutor, please refrain from doing that again.” The judge warned.

“Okay. My premise stands. The suspect, Wu Meng, will act crazily when he is pressed.” The persecutor looked at his file. “I have another key witness who will prove that.”

“Summon him then.” The judge said.

I frowned. I had no idea who could prove that. But when I heard the familiar name, I couldn’t believe my ears. When this man walked to the witness box, I was finally sure my eyes weren’t lying to me. The key witness was Xiao Liu. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I felt my whole body shaking. I was not expecting Xiao Liu to testify against me. Xiao Liu did see everything that day.

“What have you seen.” The persecutor asked, “You can tell the court now.”

Xiao Liu looked at me expressionlessly, but there were plenty of emotions in his eyes. He touched the bar before him and looked around. Everyone was quiet, waiting for him to speak. Time froze, and it felt suffocating. Xiao Liu coughed and lowered his head. “When we went to arrest the killer, the killer had already surrendered. But I saw the suspect pick up a glass sharp to try to plunge it into the killer’s neck. If I didn’t move fast, the killer would be dead already.”

The court was silent.

“Is the witness telling the truth?” The judge asked

I looked at Xiao Liu, but he refused to look at me. I had no idea what he felt, but I felt deeply betrayed. My heart was cold.

“You want me dead, don’t you?!” I looked at Xiao Liu. My voice was small, but I was sure he heard me.

Xiao Liu lifted his head,and there were tears in his eyes. “I want you dead? If I don’t say something, then you’d die! Wu Meng, I’ve been watching you for a long time already. Your paranoia is coming back. You need to go back to the hospital for treatment. I really fear for you. One day, you will kill someone or be killed by someone. In comparison, I’d rather you go back to the hospital!” Xiao Liu’s tears fell, but I had no idea why.

I said, “You want me dead. Do you know that Guan Zhenglin is still missing? I’ve been following this case, and if this is moved to another person, the case will restart. Then who can find Guan Zhenglin? You not only want me dead, but you also want the rest of us to die!”

“I will take over the case!” Xiao Liu shouted, “I’ve been following the case. I know all the clues you know. I will save Guan Zhenglin.” There was chaos everywhere as they started to discuss this drama in court. Every mature people understood that empathy was a lie. You could scream, cry, weep; people could be silent or rowdy, but in the end, people would say, what an interesting person. After all, they were not affected.

“Silence!” The judge banged on his gavel repeatedly.

However, I was heated. “When you left Captain Zhao, I knew you view your status more important than anything, but I didn’t expect it would be to this extent. We’ve all left, so no one will stand the way of your promotion anymore, right? Do you think I want to fight that position with you? As if!”

Xiao Liu pointed at me and growled, “Wu Meng, I knew you look down on me. I know I don’t have your talent, and I can only rely on hard work. But have I ever stopped in my work? Have you seen me rest for a second? Since I don’t have enough talent, I compensate for it with extra work. Is that wrong?” Xiao Liu’s body was shaking. I could see the veins on his arm. “Wu Meng.” Xiao Liu pointed at me. He demanded, “Is that wrong? I ask you, is that wrong? Is it wrong for me to work hard for what I want? But I never thought you would see me like that. In your mind, am I someone who would give up everything for a fucking better promotion and status?”

I wanted to counter, but my words couldn’t come out. Indeed, was Xiao Liu wrong? He wanted to get a better life for himself. Was that wrong? Xiao Liu never stopped my investigation, but he used his own method to get what he wanted. He didn’t steal or scam. Xiao Liu was definitely the most hardworking person I know. But as we age, we would realize hard work is not everything in this world. Hard work could get you ahead of 80 percent of people but not the last 20 percent. It was impressive that Xiao Liu was a team captain at his age, but Xiao Liu was not satisfied with that. That was not wrong.

“You look down on me. All of you look down on me!” Xiao Liu was still shouting. “I treated you as my real friends, but you all never saw me as one of you! Go to hell then. I don’t need friends anyway! From now on, we are unrelated!”

My heart was pained. I wanted to cry, but there was no tear.

“The court will rest!” The judge shouted, “Bring them all away!”

The officers came to pull me away. Xiao Liu was also escorted out. When I joined the Special Task Unit 1 year ago, I didn’t expect this to happen. Yes, that was only 1 year ago.

Because of me, Captain Zhao was in trouble; I didn’t hear from Sister Mary, so the only person I could rely on was myself. I made a decision, but I had no idea if it was the right decision or not and how many people it would affect.

I was locked inside an interrogation room. My lawyer walked in. We sat down, and he said. “Wu Meng, Boss Mao sent me.”

“Sister Mao?” I asked.

He nodded. “That’s right. Someone called Gu Chen came to find her. Boss Mao ironed out many things for you, but it’s not enough. You are with the police. You know how serious it is when a cop is murdered. The killer will be shot.”

I didn’t speak.

He continued, “There are both physical evidence and witness. Your timing, motive, and method are all there. I don’t know how you get into this trouble, but it’s too late now. The public is already talking. I’d advise you to admit it.”

“I didn’t do it.” I looked into his eyes.

“But everyone believes you did!” He said, “It’s impossible for you to go free, but at least I can argue for your life! If you confess, you’ll get life imprisonment. But considering your mental history and good behavior, you will be out within 10 years. You are only 20 now. You are still young.”

I shook my head. “When I am still conscious, I will tell you clearly that I didn’t kill that man. I didn’t know when my mental illness will act up. I don’t have much time. The court will resume in the afternoon. I need you to do this…”